A Brief Insight of Listening and ‘Advising’.
Are you noticing, that some listeners are generally oblivious of their designated roles, that they start advising instead of listening, while involuntarily transforming into the purveyors of knowledge, and you’re their specialty. Knowing you deeply, becomes their expertise, in their shifting role from listener to adviser. Providing a wealth of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts, alongside advising, how best to address what they have conceived as your problem?
But, the unwillingness to be, if one dares to communicate it, the subject of their inherently fraught misperceptions would make them, most certainly, bring you to heel. And, I mean, aiming a super sexy, and fatal, nail-like, stiletto, at the vulnerabilities that you tend to escape at any cost.
The listeners, whether or not they realise, the boundaries of their roles, have a misconstrued view that they should be speaking at all, when that is not the requirement of listeners. Otherwise, they would have been called upon to speak, not listen – If this sounds a bit rigid, we are talking prescriptive terms and roles.
Listeners of this type, tend to have the greater knowledge, and better opinions, even when it’s about you. Telling you what to do, and how to do it . And, they know what is best for you, better than you!
Listeners are inclined towards finding endless suggestions to the solutions drawn from, a repository of ‘your problems’, that they have created. Neither evaluating, or verifying them, but continue layering each on top of each, and, on which building their advice, they completely stop hearing, from the racketing they are making, yet alone listening. And, tact doesn’t stop them from pulling tricks out of your problem’s box – such conjurers they are!
But in the case that there is a problem, their suggestions are, and only to them, the superior ones. They press hard in the Must adoption of their ideas, some times, turning it into a campaign, and, which is true of when there isn’t a problem, as well.
Fatal Flaw – but no hero
In the mindless approach of listeners, lies a fatal flaw, partly due to their preconceptions, and biases, mostly drawing from their unrealistic references, producing in them the compulsion to advice!
Starting usually, from the view that, there is a ‘problem’, and that they are called upon to solve it. There is a notion of self accreditation in the thinking that their brilliant advice has identified a problem, and practically solved it. Thereby, saving the friend from its impending disaster, constituting, for them, an act of heroism. And, all the while, compounding their, adviser, position, and confounding us all.
Such an attitude, is essential when laying down their advisory role, which happens to be self appointed, since a listener is called upon to listen.
Empathetic is their character. They are always sporting a pointed finger, accompanying the shoulds, musts and needs, having you follow that finger around the room, then expecting that you should, must and need to act on the point of it’s emphasises.
But, the real disaster comes from a gentle attempt at closing the discussion, yet alone the inept advice, if that’s what it can be called, resulting usually in very amusing dénouements, such as this:
“You’re so difficult. You don’t listen! What’s the point of trying to help you.?”
I’m sure this chimes with you. Are you an adviser or listener? (;-)
Summer Breezis and